When we felt God calling us to start the adoption process, we knew it would be hard but we never knew how much of an emotional roller coaster it would be. But, since we felt God calling, we proceeded enthusiastically with the adoption. However, the emotional aspect of adoption is not one that is talked about often, so I wanted to take a moment to talk a little about the emotions of everything we have gone through thus far.
I remember when we started our home study I felt overwhelmed and scared. I was scared that somehow we would not be approved to adopt and the call we felt we heard from God would be unanswered by things not in our control. But, alas we passed the home study and then we began the wait to be matched.
When we were in that phase, I remember feeling I could not be more anxious if I tried. I remember putting our hearts on the line as situation after situation came to us. When we got 'no's' I remembered feeling rejected and dejected. While I was excited to adopt, the process seemed so daunting. We didn't know if we would ever hear a 'yes'.
I remember the day in late March when I got an email that an expectant mom who we had presented to had liked our profile and wanted to talk to us. I was elated! I called Jim at work and we were both so excited. But that elation soon turned to fear. We were going to talk to the expectant mom the next day. Would she like us? What should we say? Thankfully all went well and our nervousness and fear soon turned to relief.
When we met the expectant parents I was equally nervous. As things get closer to the due date I have found myself becoming more and more anxious. (While Jim is still calm which is so unlike him). I am realizing that this upcoming time is when "the rubber meets the road" so to speak. This is when she could change her mind after all of our investment in this baby and this family.
This past weekend, we had a bit of a scare related to the expectant mom's pregnancy. We were told she was in the hospital and may have to deliver that day. We soon learned that things stabilized and things turned out to be fine, but Jim and I realized how crazy the moment will be where we have to drop everything and get on the next flight to Florida.We also realized how hard it is to be in Minnesota when things like this hospitalization are happening in Florida. This weekend, for a few hours we were contemplating flying out to be with her and spent some time researching flights. It helped me become more prepared by packing the bag for the baby (which I hadn't done yet because I thought we would have a few more weeks before I had to worry about that) and I have even started to pack for us. Hopefully, if we need to, we could be out the door in under and hour heading to the airport without forgetting anything major. The emotions this weekend were unreal though. We felt fear, excitement, worry, shock. Pretty much name an emotion and we felt it.
We know that soon we will be dealing with many more intense emotions. When we meet this baby we will feel love and joy, and will spend time hoping and praying this child will be ours. If the expectant mom signs the forms which terminate her rights, we will feel conflicting emotions. We cannot imagine what that moment would be like for anyone in her situation, and will be feeling for her and the grief she will undoubtedly experience. But, we will be elated at the same time that we will now have a child that we have so longed for, prayed for and already love.
All of this, brings me to the title of this post. Often times, when couples are experiencing infertility, some well meaning friends and families may think they are helping by saying "Just adopt", as if adopting an infant is as easy as adopting a puppy. Clearly, by all the emotions we have experienced and things we have gone through to get to this point, we know it is not. I know I will never tell anyone to just adopt without giving them the in's and out's of the process. In fact, what I have heard most often when sharing the process of adoption from people is, "I had no idea it was so difficult."
But, we go through all of this because we know at the end of all of this, there is a child who needs us and that is the most important thing of all. One that God has had a hand in sending us. We hold onto that as we move forward in our waiting for our expectant mom to deliver.
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