Things you learn....

As I began researching the whole adoption process, a few things really surprised me. The biggest surprise was that adoptive moms have the ability to breastfeed. I never knew that was possible, but it is. They may not be able to provide all the nutrients for their baby but they can produce some milk. I always thought you needed to be pregnant for that, but apparently not. There are many methods for women who want to induce lactation. One of them is to take herbs and get a hospital grade breast pump and start pumping.

Unfortunately, due to some issues I have and some medication I am on, I have been advised by my doctor not to breastfeed. It made me really sad, until I started researching bottle feeding. In this world where you are almost demonized if you do not try to breastfeed, there is not a lot of information out there on bottle feeding. What I learned though, is that a very real connection can happen with bottle-feeding as well as breast feeding.

We have already met with a pediatrician and he assured us that our baby will get all they need from formula and while it is not perfect, it is a more than suitable form of nutrition. This is such a personal choice for not just adoptive moms, but all moms. What moms have in common though, is they are doing what they and their pediatrician feel is best for their babies.  It has taken me awhile with being okay to let go of the sadness that I have that I will be unable to breastfeed. But, like everything else in adoption, it may be different and that is okay.

Some women obtain donated breast milk. While there are some benefits to this, as antibodies in breast milk are valuable, we ultimately decided against this after much research. Unless someone we know donates milk to us, we will stick to formula feeding. The way women who wish to get donated milk do so, is largely through facebook sites where other women donate their extra milk. The problem with this is the milk is not regulated and it is impossible to know what the women donating are eating, drinking or smoking. So because of this, we will stick to formula which provides consistent nutrition.

The one thing I know for sure, is that the most important thing that our child can get is adequate nutrition and a copious amount of  love, and I know that we can provide that in spades.

Patience is a virtue....

I have never really been a patient person. You would think by now, I would be a master at the virtue of patience. I mean, it took years for me to find Jim and get married. It took us a couple years of trying to be patient for God to reveal His plan for us regarding children. It took a total of 7 months to be matched from the start of our home study and, now we are waiting for the expectant mom to go into labor. We are a day from her due date. Well, her first due date anyway. For various reasons, she had very little prenatal care early on in the pregnancy and so dating the pregnancy has been difficult. She has had 2 due dates given to her. That second due date is (GULP!) August 3rd!

Our lawyer and our expectant mom are pretty sure the first due date is a lot closer to reality than the second one, but we are having a hard time being patient. Not knowing whether we will  have to get up and run to the airport in a few days, a few weeks or over a month from now is very trying on our emotions. We realize that if I were expecting we would have a due date that would simply be an estimate of the day the baby would be born. But, in that case there is usually a couple week window where you can expect the baby to come. And even if there was a longer wait, we would be right there when the baby was born. But, the fact that we live so far from the expectant mom and have to hop on a plane is a lot different. It doesn't help that we are only getting snippets of information regarding her doctors appointments and that  is also frustrating. 

People are telling us we should just take this time to sleep, go on dates and get stuff done around the house. We are doing all of those things and are grateful for the time. But, we are just so excited about the possibility of having a child join our family that we just want it to happen now! Especially since we know this is not a sure thing. There is always a small chance that the expectant mom can choose to parent her child. While we are trying not to dwell on this and are pretty sure she is confident in her decision, but our impatient minds and hearts are just wanting all of that to be behind us so we can hopefully be holding our baby soon.

We know in the end though that God's timing is always perfect and when He chooses for the baby to come is when it will come. Also, we are pretty sure  He thinks we need a bit more work on being patient.

Why you should never tell anyone to "Just Adopt"...and an update from us...

When we felt God calling us to start the adoption process, we knew it would be hard but we never knew how much of an emotional roller coaster it would be. But, since we felt God calling, we proceeded enthusiastically with the adoption. However, the emotional aspect of adoption is not one that is talked about often, so I wanted to take a moment to talk a little about the emotions of everything we have gone through thus far.

I remember when we started our home study I felt overwhelmed and scared. I was scared that somehow we would not be approved to adopt and the call we felt we heard from God would be unanswered by things not in our control. But, alas we passed the home study and then we began the wait to be matched.

When we were in that phase, I remember feeling I could not be more anxious if I tried. I remember putting our hearts on the line as situation after situation came to us. When we got 'no's' I remembered feeling rejected and dejected. While I was excited to adopt, the process seemed so daunting. We didn't know if we would ever hear a 'yes'.

I remember the day in late March when I got an email that an expectant mom who we had presented to had liked our profile and wanted to talk to us. I was elated! I called Jim at work and we were both so excited. But that elation soon turned to fear. We were going to talk to the expectant mom the next day. Would she like us? What should we say? Thankfully all went well and our nervousness and fear soon turned to relief.

When we met the expectant parents I was equally nervous. As things get closer to the due date I have found myself becoming more and more anxious. (While Jim is still calm which is so unlike him). I am realizing that this upcoming time is when "the rubber meets the road" so to speak. This is when she could change her mind after all of our investment in this baby and this family.

This past weekend, we had a bit of a scare related to the expectant mom's pregnancy. We were told she was in the hospital and may have to deliver that day. We soon learned that things stabilized and things turned out to be fine, but Jim and I realized how crazy the moment will be where we have to drop everything and get on the next flight to Florida.We also realized how hard it is to be in Minnesota when things like this hospitalization are happening in Florida. This weekend, for a few hours we were contemplating flying out to be with her and spent some time researching flights. It helped me become more prepared by packing the bag for the baby (which I hadn't done yet because I thought we would have a few more weeks before I had to worry about that) and I have even started to pack for us. Hopefully, if we need to, we could be out the door in under and hour heading to the airport without forgetting anything major. The emotions this weekend were unreal though. We felt fear, excitement, worry, shock. Pretty much name an emotion and we felt it.

We know that soon we will be dealing with many more intense emotions. When we meet this baby we will feel love and joy, and will spend time hoping and praying this child will be ours. If the expectant mom signs the forms which terminate her rights, we will feel conflicting emotions. We cannot imagine what that moment would be like for anyone in her situation, and will be feeling for her and the grief she will undoubtedly experience. But, we will be elated at the same time that we will now have a child that we have so longed for, prayed for and already love.

All of this, brings me to the title of this post. Often times, when couples are experiencing infertility, some well meaning friends and families may think they are helping by saying "Just adopt", as if adopting an infant is as easy as adopting a puppy. Clearly, by all the emotions we have experienced and things we have gone through to get to this point, we know it is not. I know I will never tell anyone to just adopt without giving them the in's and out's of the process. In fact, what I have heard most often when sharing the process of adoption from people is, "I had no idea it was so difficult."

But, we go through all of this because we know at the end of all of this, there is a child who needs us and that is the most important thing of all. One that God has had a hand in sending us. We hold onto that as we move forward in our waiting for our expectant mom to deliver.