I love my mom! She is the greatest! I remember when I was little, making her horrible, ugly home made presents, like a flower made out of tissue paper. I also remember her proudly wearing that ugly flower to church and she seemed like it was the most beautiful gift in the world. I love the fact that I get a special day to celebrate my mom and I don't take for granted the fact that I still have a mom here on earth to celebrate the day with.
But, for the last few years as I was struggling with fertility, Mother's Day was also a very painful day. It was a reminder of all the things I so desperately wanted and did not yet have. I so wanted a little baby who would one day make me ugly flowers out of tissue paper that I would wear proudly. Going to mass was almost unbearable. Seeing all the moms beaming with pride, wearing flowers, or other little trinkets their little ones made them was heartbreaking. Thank goodness my parish did not have all the moms stand for a blessing, so I didn't have to look around at all the other single ladies who had not yet found someone to marry or married women with no children and watch them fight back tears, while fighting back my own.
This year, I am so blessed to be able to finally celebrate Mother's day. I plan to celebrate my mom (from afar) as well as my mother-in-law, sister, sisters-in-laws, Godmother, aunts and friends who define what great moms are. I will celebrate all the women who mothered me in some way in my formative years or shared their motherly wisdom with me as an adult.
But, I will also remember those with empty arms this Mothers day. I will remember those that have little ones in heaven and those that desire a child and have not yet been blessed with one. But the person I will remember most of all this Mother's day is Nathan's birth mother. She is the whole reason that I am a mother today. While I am Nathan's mom, she is as well. We each have different roles, but I know how much she loves Nathan and without her selfless choice we would not have Nathan in our lives. I am forever grateful that she chose us to be Nathan's parents and that she chose life for Nathan (and now for his little brother as well). I know Mother's Day will be hard for her and will be for all birth parents who chose to place their child for adoption. Would you remember all of these women in your prayers?
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Another unexpected blessing...
When Nathan was born, Jim and I decided that we would wait until he was 6 months old to talk about whether or not we would adopt again, or if we were okay with the fact that Nathan may be our only child. Every once in awhile, we would try to broach the subject with each other prior to the 6 month mark. My feeling was always, "This is great! I love our little family of 3. After all, the Holy Family was only a family of 3 and look at them!" But, Jim was quick to share his desire for another child. Not just because he wanted another one, but because he wanted Nathan to have a brother or sister. I couldn't argue with that, which was why I was glad I could just table the discussion because Nathan wasn't 6 months old yet.
I wanted another child, don't get me wrong. I just wasn't really up to the task of going through the whole adoption process again. Getting fingerprinted was getting pretty old. (Especially since I had to do it multiple times for my entry to the USA) Preparing a new profile seemed daunting. Waiting to be matched seemed like it would be even more stressful this time around. I am a big planner and not knowing if we would be matched in weeks or months was not really appealing to me, especially with a young baby at home. Not to mention the financial hit it would take on us. Nathan's adoption was expensive (lets start serious discussions on why it takes astronomical amounts of money to adopt a baby, shall we?) and it would be a big financial burden if we adopted another.
We have such a great relationship with Nathan's birth mom and another concern I had was, "What if we don't have the same relationship with a new babies birth family?" "What if they wanted a closed adoption and Nathan got to know his birth family but this new baby didn't?" "What if they lived on the opposite side of the country as Nathan's birth family? Could we really commit to visiting them too?"
We talk or text (mostly text) Nathan's birth mom pretty much daily. I send pictures. I tell her about his milestones and let her know just how much his birth family means to us on a regular basis. Around Christmas time, the text messages began to not be returned. I became concerned, but I knew this could happen eventually. Experts tell of how birth parents sometimes begin to distance themselves as time goes on. I worried this would happen and it made me sad to know that we may lose touch. I was relieved about a month later to get a text from Nathan's birth mom explaining her phone had broken and she was happy to be back in contact with us. In the midst of texting, she also told us she was pregnant again. We expressed our congratulations and immediately began to wonder what this meant for us. Was she going to parent this time? Was she going to ask US to adopt this baby? Was she going to choose another family?
We didn't quite know how to ask her, so we talked around the issue for a few days and finally a window opened up where the conversation could lead to making things clear. It turned out she did want us to adopt this child too. In the few days we were talking around the issue, Jim and I were able to discuss the ins and outs of what we would do if she did ask us to adopt again. We came to the conclusion that we would be able to do so, but if she didn't ask us, we would be happy for her and make sure that Nathan knew this sibling by visiting as much as possible.
After initial conversations and securing a lawyer to handle the process, the shock began to wear off a bit and Jim and I began to realize that in this later stage of life we would soon have our hands full with two little ones about a year apart. To be honest, I am still in a bit of denial about just how busy I will be. I remember a few moms who had "Irish twins" tell me it is not for the faint of heart. Those moms at the time of their children's infanthood were at least 10-12 years younger than I am now! But, I know that we will take it a day at a time and before we can blink these two little ones will be all grown. So, in all the craziness that is to come, I want to remember that I need to savor and appreciate these times.
Last weekend, we traveled to Florida to visit Nathan's birth family for the first time since he was born. It was great that he was able to meet his two biological siblings and spend some time with his birth family. There is no mistaking that his siblings are related to him. He looks just like them! It was great to see them interact and I look forward to many more visits.
While we were there, we were able to go with Nathan's birth mom for an ultrasound to determine the sex of this baby. We were happy to find out that Nathan will have a brother. These two little boys will be the best of friends, and I predict there will be a lot of fighting and wrestling going on as well. Growing up my dad was the only male amidst us girls and now I will be the only female in my house! Guess that means I will have to savor some girlfriend time alone now and again!
Looking back in the midst of my infertility and how ardently I prayed to God to gift us with a child, I never realized just how good He would be to us! I shouldn't be surprised, but God manages to surprise me all the time. My prayers were not only answered, but were answered in abundance and we cannot be happier. We can't wait until August when this little boy joins our family! We thank God everyday for His infinite blessings upon us!
I wanted another child, don't get me wrong. I just wasn't really up to the task of going through the whole adoption process again. Getting fingerprinted was getting pretty old. (Especially since I had to do it multiple times for my entry to the USA) Preparing a new profile seemed daunting. Waiting to be matched seemed like it would be even more stressful this time around. I am a big planner and not knowing if we would be matched in weeks or months was not really appealing to me, especially with a young baby at home. Not to mention the financial hit it would take on us. Nathan's adoption was expensive (lets start serious discussions on why it takes astronomical amounts of money to adopt a baby, shall we?) and it would be a big financial burden if we adopted another.
We have such a great relationship with Nathan's birth mom and another concern I had was, "What if we don't have the same relationship with a new babies birth family?" "What if they wanted a closed adoption and Nathan got to know his birth family but this new baby didn't?" "What if they lived on the opposite side of the country as Nathan's birth family? Could we really commit to visiting them too?"
We talk or text (mostly text) Nathan's birth mom pretty much daily. I send pictures. I tell her about his milestones and let her know just how much his birth family means to us on a regular basis. Around Christmas time, the text messages began to not be returned. I became concerned, but I knew this could happen eventually. Experts tell of how birth parents sometimes begin to distance themselves as time goes on. I worried this would happen and it made me sad to know that we may lose touch. I was relieved about a month later to get a text from Nathan's birth mom explaining her phone had broken and she was happy to be back in contact with us. In the midst of texting, she also told us she was pregnant again. We expressed our congratulations and immediately began to wonder what this meant for us. Was she going to parent this time? Was she going to ask US to adopt this baby? Was she going to choose another family?
We didn't quite know how to ask her, so we talked around the issue for a few days and finally a window opened up where the conversation could lead to making things clear. It turned out she did want us to adopt this child too. In the few days we were talking around the issue, Jim and I were able to discuss the ins and outs of what we would do if she did ask us to adopt again. We came to the conclusion that we would be able to do so, but if she didn't ask us, we would be happy for her and make sure that Nathan knew this sibling by visiting as much as possible.
After initial conversations and securing a lawyer to handle the process, the shock began to wear off a bit and Jim and I began to realize that in this later stage of life we would soon have our hands full with two little ones about a year apart. To be honest, I am still in a bit of denial about just how busy I will be. I remember a few moms who had "Irish twins" tell me it is not for the faint of heart. Those moms at the time of their children's infanthood were at least 10-12 years younger than I am now! But, I know that we will take it a day at a time and before we can blink these two little ones will be all grown. So, in all the craziness that is to come, I want to remember that I need to savor and appreciate these times.
Last weekend, we traveled to Florida to visit Nathan's birth family for the first time since he was born. It was great that he was able to meet his two biological siblings and spend some time with his birth family. There is no mistaking that his siblings are related to him. He looks just like them! It was great to see them interact and I look forward to many more visits.
While we were there, we were able to go with Nathan's birth mom for an ultrasound to determine the sex of this baby. We were happy to find out that Nathan will have a brother. These two little boys will be the best of friends, and I predict there will be a lot of fighting and wrestling going on as well. Growing up my dad was the only male amidst us girls and now I will be the only female in my house! Guess that means I will have to savor some girlfriend time alone now and again!
Looking back in the midst of my infertility and how ardently I prayed to God to gift us with a child, I never realized just how good He would be to us! I shouldn't be surprised, but God manages to surprise me all the time. My prayers were not only answered, but were answered in abundance and we cannot be happier. We can't wait until August when this little boy joins our family! We thank God everyday for His infinite blessings upon us!
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