Growing up, I never wanted to be a mommy. Not that I can remember anyway. Before meeting Jim, I had resigned myself to just being a really fun Aunt and thought maybe I wasn't meant to have kids. Then, I met Jim and I never wanted anything more. As you all know, we suffered infertility and could not have our biological children. At times in that journey, it seemed like God was not listening to us, that he had abandoned us in our time of need. That everyone else was having babies left and right but we were not one of the 'chosen ones'. There were some months that were harder than others, but at the depths of despair I remember thinking that the whole concept of God's will was questionable.
Then, slowly our hearts turned to adoption. And, we were matched with amazing birth parents. And then Nathan was born. And all of the years of infertility suddenly made sense. If we had been able to have biological children we would likely never have known Nathan and been his parents. We simply cannot fathom that! Looking back at the process I see God's hand in it all. We have had more blessings than we could count throughout this process.
Spending my days with Nathan, my favorite times are in the middle of the night when he wakes to eat. He is half asleep and as I place him on my shoulder to burp him sometimes he will snuggle in a little closer and I know that he knows that he is safe with his mommy.
We were both a little worried , and in the back of our minds were naturally nervous that maybe we would feel differently or have trouble bonding with Nathan because we did not share DNA. Well, that is crazy to think now. We could not love him anymore if we tried. Looking at his tiny face every day reminds us of the goodness of how good God has been to us!
Allow me a moment to brag:
Nathan is meeting all his milestones and then some! He grasps objects and even can twirl a spin toy by himself and you can tell he is trying and it is not a fluke. He is so strong! He has amazing head control and prefers standing on our laps and looking around than anything else. He is a great eater and sleeper and in general a very happy baby. He wakes up smiling and it brightens our day with all the cute things he does!
